What It Really Means to “Just Be Yourself”?
I’ve heard the statement “just be yourself” so much. It sounds like an amazing thing to do, and I have wished many times that I could just do that. What I’ve wondered, though, is what in the world does that mean?
What if someone is arrogant and impolite to other people? Is it okay for them to just be themselves and go on being arrogant and impolite to everyone? How about people who are fearful of being around others and they keep avoiding other people?
But are those behaviors really represent their true self, or are they just traits they subconsciously picked up through their lives?
You see; the person who is impolite to others and the person who is afraid of social situations are, in actuality, not being themselves. Their real self is just being covered up with conditioned, fear-based thinking.
Our true self is who we really are when we let go of all of the stories, labels, and judgments that we have placed upon ourselves. It is who we naturally are without the masks, social conditioning and pretentiousness.
Everything else that we claim to be when we say, “This is who I am!” is only a story.
If we keep repeating the same story we will not be able to unfold and express our true self.
All of us have within a True Self, but not many of us are in touch with it. That is because the True Self was conditioned with false and limited beliefs and traits.
We believe that this is who we are. We identify our true self based on all that conditioning. We feel shame and guilt. We feel pain and unworthiness. We feel less than or more than others. We attack, defend, build walls between self and other. We push away love because it does not feel safe. We hurt ourselves or we hurt others. We shame ourselves or blame others. We abandon those we love or they abandon us. We live inside a vicious cycle of attack and defense.
If we remain in that state and keep looking our self with all the limitations, conditioning and without love and acceptance, we will not be able to see and reconnect with our True Self. We will only see a false, limited and fractured self. The self will keep growing up with conditional traits and living in a state of fear.
The True Self cannot be conditioned and confined. One's true self is not to be identified with what we own, with our social status, our reputation, or even with our body; our true self is our soul.
The True Self is our essence. It is who we are at the most fundamental level. It is the connection point between our divine origin and our human incarnation. It is the divine spark that we bring with us into this embodiment. It includes all the gifts and talents we possess in their potential. It is what makes us unique. It is the blueprint we are born with.
It is whole and complete. There is nothing lacking in it. There is nothing in it that needs to be changed or fixed.
When we are connected to our True Self, we are connected to all that is. We live in relationship to our Source or higher power. We abide in who we are.
The True Self is our energetic connection to Love. It connects us heart to heart to each other. When we rest in the True Self, there is no separation. There are no separate bodies or separate agendas. There is just infinite, boundless love.
When we abide in the True Self, we are incapable of judgment. We cannot trespass or defend. We cannot find fault. We know that we are lovable and acceptable just the way that we are and so are others.
Our True Self is the resting place of Universal Love. It lives there, breathes there, and moves out from there into the world. The True Self has been called Tao, Atman, Christ, Buddha nature, and so forth. It has many names and is spoken of in many traditions. We call it the “True Self ” because it is the essence and the center of our Being.
The True Self is eternal, consistent, unchangeable. In this sense, it is not subject to the ups and downs of physical existence. Some say it is not born and does not die because it exists beyond the vicissitudes of this world.
The True Self is there, even though we have not encountered it. It cannot be destroyed or taken away from us. However, it can be disguised, covered over or ignored. And it can take some of us a very long time to remove those disguises and come face to face with our essence.
Why Do We have To Go Through All That Pain And Conditioning ?
Because it helps us to know who we are. It creates awareness. We are challenged to understand something about ourselves and others.
Before we were conditioned and went through all those experiences and pain, we were totally connected with all that is. There is just Oneness. Spirit, God, call it what you will. There is no division, no dark or light, male or female, high or low, good or bad. There is no differentiation or comparison.
Oneness does not allow for growth in consciousness. It is already the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end. But as soon as you have two of anything — two people or two trees — you have differentiation and the basis for comparison and judgment. You have dark and light, self and other, human and divine. You have the opposites. What we know of the world is created out of this inherent duality.
The pain and conditioning comes from this duality. It is experienced as soon as we lose our consciousness of oneness. As such, it represents our fall from grace and our entrance into the world in a human body.
We may have been created as equals, but we do not feel that we are equals, nor do we treat each other as equals. We feel “less than” or “more than.” We compare, judge, attack and defend.
People strike out at us because they themselves are hurt or afraid. They abandon us for the same reason. Sometimes we are abandoned and there is no reason. That brings a different kind of pain.
There is no child who is not wounded by his parents. And there is no adult who does not carry deep, unhealed childhood wounds.
If we want to feel “one” with ourselves, with each other, or with our Source, we must learn to forgive ourselves and others for the inevitable pain that happens here on planet earth.
But what is the reason for all the pain? The pain enables us to obtain knowledge of Self, to know the part of God that is us. Once we know the part of God that we are, we can see the God-Self in others.
The pain is a tool of consciousness. It creates separation and with it understanding of oneness. How can you understand what oneness means if you have never felt separate?
The pain causes us to believe that we exist as separate entities, that we are born, that we suffer and that we die. Yet, as we learn to heal the wounds caused by the pain, we discover the truth about ourselves and each other. We discover that there is a True Self within us that is beyond birth and death.
The Law of Attraction
Many people think that the Law of Attraction means that they can create and attract anything that they want. So they set out to create their dreams and desires and they end up with a huge mess. Then they start beating themselves up. They are convinced that there is something wrong with them or that they are deficient in some way.
That’s why for most people, the Law of Attraction turns into the Law of Detraction. It is yet another concept that they use to crucify themselves. It brings up not the abundance that they wish for, but the unworthiness that drives their lives at an unconscious level.
So it is important that we understand this. When you are conditioned and in pain, you create out of that pain and conditioning. You create unconsciously. And generally you are pretty unhappy about what you create.
Until we heal from our pain, we are going to create suffering. It’s that simple.
The tricky thing is that when our ego gets hold of the Law of Attraction it goes crazy.
When the ego and The False Self go into the attraction business, what they attract is basically “false” or unfulfilling. That is because there is no connection to the True Self.
So how the Law of Attraction can and does work?
First, for the Law of Attraction to work, you must create through your connection with your True Self. That means that you are creating out of awareness that you are loved and you are worthy.
Second, you must know what you really want. That means the False Self has to shatter first. Because what you think you want while the False Self is intact is not what you really want. It is what others want for you. The False Self is created to impress others or to win their approval.
You need to start creating for the highest good or the highest good of others. That can be done only through the connection to the True Self. It is this connection that enables us to understand who we really are and what we really want.
When we are connected to the True Self, the False Self falls away and we begin to be authentic and step into our life purpose. The True Self understands the law of attraction and uses it on a daily basis.
The True Self naturally attracts what it wants, what it cares about, and what it is committed to. But let us remember the True Self exists only because the False Self has shattered, the ego has abdicated its throne, and the connection to the True Self has been firmly and irrevocably made.
So yes, it is true. The Law of Attraction is exciting, marvelous, delightful, but only for those who have cleared the channel. If your channel has not been cleared, your creation is likely to
be muddy in more ways than one.
Here Are Some Things That Will Help You Re-Connect With Your True Self.
1) I Know What I Want.
Think again. Most people haven’t got the slightest idea what they want. They have just borrowed ideas from their society, parents and other authority figures. It works better to get clear on what you don’t want and see what’s left over. On the other hand, if you know what you want, better make it your top priority.
2) I am Here to Help Others.
Yes, that’s true. But first you need to help and heal yourself. Until you do that you won’t be very helpful to others.
3) I can have the Perfect Relationship
It’s time to wake up! If you don’t love yourself, know who you are or what you want, how are you going to attract right livelihood or right relationship?
If you want to attract the right relationship you need to reconnect with your true self, you have to learn to love yourself, moment to moment. You have to keep repeating the question “Am I loving myself right now?” as a mantra to help you remember.
Stop spinning out and get grounded. Slow down. Move the energy out of your head and into your heart. Breathe. Practice awareness.
People want to leave the nest before they are ready. If you aren’t ready, don’t leave the nest. Stay and learn the skills you need to succeed. Practice and prepare or else you will keep attracting people into your life that are not aligned with your true self.
4) Become Aware Of Your Thoughts
You may be shocked by the number of limited and negative thoughts that run through your mind on any given day. After so long, our reality begins to take shape based on all of these conditioned thinking patterns.
Become more aware of the quality of your thinking. Allow yourself to sit quietly every morning before starting your day for just five to ten minutes.
Yes, thoughts will come and go, but just allow them to do that without getting attached to them. Just observe them. When you are finished, continue observing the mind throughout your day.
We have so many unconscious beliefs that we have taken on over the years that were probably handed down to us from somebody else, and that we believed to be who we are.
Becoming more aware of the quality of your thoughts, letting go of the old beliefs, and becoming more present can help in revealing your true nature.
We are all so much more than those old limiting and negative thinking patterns would ever allow us to believe.
5) Follow your Feelings and intuition.
This is probably one of the most important factors in being yourself. You ignore your intuition and feelings for the longest time because you felt so obligated to others. Their happiness was more important than your own.
Intuition, or gut feelings, can be thought of as the voice of our souls communicating to us. Whenever you feel drawn towards something or someone (without a fearful motive), you can be sure that this is your soul trying to guide you.
You spend most of your life ignoring your urges to do the things you desire because you are so afraid of what other people would think of you, of failing, and of stepping out of your comfort zone.
I will tell you this, from my own personal experience: When you start following the little nudges and urges that you get, you will have hopped onto the train ride of awesomeness and fulfillment.
It doesn’t mean that you will never have bumps in the road again, but when you are in alignment with your soul, you will always be steered in the best possible direction.
For me, it started when I followed my heart and intuition out of a lifestyle where I was miserable, which was way out of character for me. I had nothing lined up, but thanks to my intuition and feelings, I landed back on my feet in an awesome new lifestyle.
Now, before you go on doing a big change, you can begin with small things, such as following through when you feel the urge to make a phone call, send an email, or take a different route to work. When you get into the habit of doing this small things, it will make it easier to say yes to the big things, and to trust.
Your authentic self is the real you that is beyond all of those conditioned beliefs and thinking patterns that you have accumulated throughout your life.
I was once a shy, non confident, depressed, angry person—but I wasn’t “being myself”, i was just following a conditioned mind on auto-pilot.
I suppressed my true nature in order to please others and to fit in.
So i began researching, exploring, doing spiritual study and practice and became more aware of how much I was identified with my limited, false and victim story, how I would play roles depending on who I was with, and just how much I cared about other people’s perceptions of me.
I had lost touch with my natural self and stuffed it away in a box. Whenever I would notice myself getting attached to the stories and labels in my head or would catch myself playing roles with others, I would just breathe and relax into the moment without any labels or judgments.
I would ask myself, “How would I act right now if I had no cares of what others thought of me?” I realized that who I naturally am without anything else added is perfectly okay.
When you let go of the old ways of thinking, follow your bliss, and do what you love, you begin to align with happiness and peace. These are all indicators that you are connected with your true nature.
When you get out of your head and silence the noise of all the limiting thoughts , you will be able to get into your heart and listen to your intuition and feelings that will lead you towards the connection with your true self, your soul. You are then allowing your real self to shine forth in all its glory.